Inclement Weather Heroes
by Kefka is in my Harem
Summary: Tidus, Cloud and Squall walk into a bar...


**Authors Notes: - **This is a continuation of 'Drunken Fools' but with Tidus, Squall and Cloud. They are very OCC but this is taken from the point of view of them being like actors in the game and not the actual characters from the games... Makes sense right?

**Inclement Weather Heroes**

Three young men sat at a table drinking and chatting. Each carried a sword, though of varying size. One of the men, whose blond hair was spiky enough to constitute as a weapon, possessed a sword nearly as tall as himself and a good foot wide. He was staring placidly into an empty beer glass, seeming annoyed by the fact that the beer was all gone.

To his left a grumpy young man traced his finger over the rim of his glass, which was half full of a dark beer. His golden brown hair wasn't nearly as gravity defying as his companion but it still looked carefully gelled into place with meticulous care. The sword he had looked like a strange and illogical cross between a long sword and a classic six shooter. He was bent over the table, resting his chin on his arm and gazing blankly into his dark liquor.

The last young man was sitting to the right of the spiky blond with the too big sword. He was also blond but it had brown mixed in it, and it obeyed the rules physics as well as looking mostly normal. His sword was even stranger than the others. It was blue and towards the hilt a fancy decoration in the metal made it look like rolling waves. The tip had a hook reminiscent of a fish hook, turning downward sharply and wickedly sharp. Compared to him his cohorts dark and utilitarian dress looked perfectly normal. With his mismatched pant leg length and brilliant colors he looked like a confused tropical bird. He was the one doing most of the talking.

"Tid-us." He said slowly. "Cloud and Squall... Why do we all have weathery watery names? What's with the theme? Is there a reason for it? Or do they have an obsession with weather events!"

"How is a tide a weather event?" Cloud asked, still frowning at his empty glass.

"Well... you see it's caused by the pull of the moon and can be predicted. Its sorta like weather under the sea..." Tidus shrugged.

"Thanks for that little bit of oh-so-useful information." Squall said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Tidus glared at him then looked at Cloud. "At lease we got more normal looking."

"_More_ normal looking?" Cloud glanced at him raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, the hair calmed down..." He motioned to Squall, who ignored him. "And he's dressed pretty normally... except for the short coat."

"Shut up Tightass! At least my pants are the same length!" Squall sat up and flipped off Tidus.

Cloud ignored Squall's outburst and kept staring at Tidus like he'd grown a second head.

"Have you forgotten about Zidane?" He said darkly.

"Well..." Tidus got a thinking look.

"He had a tail... A fucking tail! Why the hell did he have a tail?! And what was with the frilly shirt? Did they want to reach out to all the gay male players!?" Squall ranted suddenly.

"No, no, no." Cloud said calmly. "That was what Kujah was for."

The three men nodded in agreement.

"What ever happened to him?" Tidus asked thoughtfully.

"Didn't you hear?" Cloud said surprised.

He shook his head. "No. What?"

"He tried to reenact the HMS pinafore by himself." Cloud explained.

"So?" Tidus said puzzled.

"Naked and in the middle of making Final Fantasy Ten two. I hear Yuna was traumatized." Cloud chuckled darkly.

"Poor Yuna.... I'm surprised I didn't hear about that." Tidus remarked puzzled.

"There was a huge cover up." Squall interjected. "He's in the loony bin now."

"At least Zell has some company now." Tidus sighed. "Poor guy."

"Yeah, that was a nasty trick Kefka played on him." Cloud shrugged.

"I would probably go crazy if my food stared talking to me too." Tidus picked up his barely touched O'Doul's and took a sip.

"Hey bartender! Nother round here!" Squall yelled across the room.

The bartender indulged him and retrieved another round of beers for them. Cloud looked mildly pleased to have something to drink and nearly downed it right away. The tender knew he'd do this and had brought him two beers. Squall finished off his previous drink and began to nurse his next. Tidus didn't seem to know what to do with his second.

Squall eventually broke the silence.

"So Cloud, are the rumors true?" He smirked darkly.

Cloud raised an eyebrow. "What rumors?"

"You know, that sword is pretty big."

Tidus nearly chocked on his drink giggling.

He glared at Squall threateningly. "Ask me something like that again and I'll shove it up your ass."

"I could say something to that but I wont." Squall muttered taking another pull on his beer.

Tidus kept giggling until Cloud smacked him in the head.

"Stop giggling! You sound like a school girl!" He snapped.

"Ouch! You could have just said something! You didn't have to hit me!" Tidus pouted and rubbed his head.

"I guess that answers the other rumor." Squall mumbled to himself.

"That's it!" Cloud yelled leaping to his feet and knocking Squall off his chair.

Beer flew into the air and spilled over Squall. Tidus leaned away from the two and watched in morbid fascination. Squall snarled in rage and sweep kicked Cloud off his feet. As soon as Cloud was down Squall put him into a head lock.

"You spilled my beer you bastard!" He yelled, trying to keep the struggling blond man still.

"Next thing to spill will be your blood!" Cloud yelled back. He twisted and brought his legs up and wrapped them around Squall's head.

Squall cried out in surprise but the sound was muffled by Clouds legs. He quickly broke out of the head lock and slammed Squall onto his side.

The pair continued to struggle and fight for the next ten minutes. For every blow one gave the other returned, eventually they ended up in the middle of the room, covered in beer and blood, facing off breathing heavily. Blood dribbled down Cloud's chin and Squall's nose was badly broken and bleeding profusely. Both looked ready to collapse at any second.

"Hey guys... how about you two just calm down and have another drink." Tidus said from his vantage point behind an over turned table.

The two looked over at him and scowled as one. Tidus squeaked in fear and ducked under the table. They turned their faces back to each other. Both grinning evilly.

Cloud stood up strait and walked towards the table, Squall moved in a circle, coming up behind Tidus. Tidus looked between the two fearfully.

"What are you two doing?" He asked warily.

"Nothing." Squall said off-handedly.

"Yeah, nothing at all." Cloud said.

"I don't believe either of you." Tidus said getting to his feet.

"Would we do something mean?" Cloud asked in a mock hurt tone.

Tidus snatched up his sword and held it out threateningly. "Just because I wasn't a trained fighter doesn't mean I'm a wuss."

"No, it means you're a pampered jock." Squall said looking towards his own sword that lay next to Cloud.

Cloud followed his gaze and picked up the gun blade, he threw it over Tidus's head to Squall who easily caught it. He then picked up his own massive sword and now the two had Tidus completely surrounded.

"I'll tell Rinoa and Tifa!" Tidus threatened.

They acted like they hadn't heard him and leaped forward swords leading. Tidus reacted quickly, blocking Cloud's big sword and twisting to the side, narrowly missing Squall's sword.

"Careful! You nearly cut me!" He yelled at Squall.

Cloud winked at Squall who smirked. He withdrew his sword and took hold of the back of Tidus's underwear. Without a seconds hesitation he pulled up hard enough to pick him up off his feet. Tidus cried out in surprise and Cloud fell back laughing, his sword falling to the ground.

"What? Did you think we were going to hurt you?" Cloud chuckled.

Squall dropped him and stumbled back, gripping his sides and laughing loudly.

Tidus struggled to readjust his underwear and glared at him.

"You two act like you never left the fifth grade." He said darkly.

"You should have seen your face!" Cloud doubled over. "It was priceless!"

"Where's your sense of humor?" Squall asked in between guffaws.

"Same place as your maturity and sobriety." Tidus said stiffly.

The two continued to chuckle drunkenly and didn't make a move to stop Tidus as he left.

"That guy never knows how to take a joke." Squall said whipping away a laugh tear.

"Yeah, he didn't even think it was funny when we shaved his eyebrows off." Cloud said with a smirk.

"Or the time Lulu got him drunk and told him she was pregnant with his child." Squall started laughing again. "Never did drink another beer after that one."

"He is an easy target." Cloud walked to the bar and motioned to the bored looking tender for another beer.

"Next time we should spike his drink and hand him over to Kefka." Squall suggested with an evil smile.

"Sure that's not to evil?" Cloud asked before taking a long drink.

"Nah, not like Kefka will do _permanent_ damage."

Cloud chuckled. "Good idea. Same time next week?"

"Yep, I'll make sure he comes."

"You know... You'd think he'd stop coming but does he? No!" Cloud shook his head.

Squall patted Cloud's shoulder. "True."

"It was nice seeing you again, but I got to get back home. Can't keep the missus waiting." He said as he turned and left.

"Whipped." Cloud said to his back.

Squall simply flipped him off and left the trashed bar.

"You're cleaning this mess up." The bartender said to Cloud.

"I know, I know Cid, I'm always the one left to clean things up."

Cid nodded and went back to whipping down the counter and mumbled to himself. "Same thing every week... Bunch of prima donnas."


End file.
